Ordinary

Northern Lights in Southern Colorado. The stuff of dreams

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Me? What I would tell people was a cover, a distraction. I didn’t want people to know my heart’s desire, even from a young age. I was so good at telling people what I wanted to be that they believed me.

The trauma of feeling unwanted.

Trauma.Emotional trauma.I lived almost half a lifetime feeling unwanted. Those feelings came rushing back with a vengeance on Monday. Quite unexpectedly, I might add. But isn’t that usually the case with deep trauma? I honestly don’t know, which is why I’m asking. I only have my own lived experience. And therapy. Lots of therapy. Disclaimer: […]

I’m 2.

Today is my 2-year HRT Anniversary. I took my first dose of bicalutamide the night of November 4, 2020 and it was on of the best decisions I’ve ever made for my health. And to be honest, it was one of the most selfish decisions I’ve ever made. I truly didn’t understand what it was […]

T Jay to T.

A wildflower in the sun

A journey of self. Discovered. What’s in a name? But not just any name. What’s in a person’s name? My name is T. One letter. If you are picky, there’s a period after the T on my birth certificate – which is now accurate because my state is awesome. I never did claim the period. […]

#ProtectTransKids

I posted this on Instagram today. It’s important enough to share a copy here also. Find me there at @hernameistjay I’ve only just begun. But I feel so completely me..I smile easily, laugh often, and feel every tear. I greet each day as an opportunity to be a better human, a better parent, a better […]

I am. I can let go.

water over a bridge

I am transgender. That will always be a core part of who I am. Transition is the part of me that some day, I will be able to let go. There will be a day, I hope, that I can say, “I am me. I am no longer in transition. I am just me.” Of […]

Disappointed. Not Surprised.

A leaf in winter

If you’re new here, “Welcome!” TL:DR 2020 I started therapy in September. I came out as transgender in October. I separated from my wife and started HRT in November. 2021 I was divorced as of February 1. I socially transitioned on February 6. My gender was corrected by April. And I’ve been authentically me now […]

Vlog 02 | I’m T.

Take 2! Multicam Edit. Color correcting. It’s a lot easier with photos. Matching cameras isn’t for the faint of heart. The usual: I got a mic! I’m learning to use it. Better audio soon. Focus Daniel San. I’m sure it’s a lighting issue. I’m still working on the balance between my overheads, ring lights, and […]

Vlog 01 | Transition isn’t easy. I miss my kids.

I feel like the content here is important enough to give this piece the honor of being my first official YouTube Vlog. Vlog 01 TLDR: Transition isn’t easy. I miss my kids. Another learning video. I set my Canon M50 up to capture video. I placed my iPhone on the desk to capture a second […]

No friends.

iPhone photo of sunshine through grass

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, “40-year-old recently out transgender women signs up to do network marketing for newly launched lifestyle and athleisure brand with no network.” Why lead with that? The important thing here is not that I signed up to do network marketing. Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely in […]