The trauma of feeling unwanted.
Trauma.Emotional trauma.I lived almost half a lifetime feeling unwanted. Those feelings came rushing back with a vengeance on Monday. Quite unexpectedly, I might add. But isn’t that usually the case with deep trauma? I honestly don’t know, which is why I’m asking. I only have my own lived experience. And therapy. Lots of therapy. Disclaimer: […]
I’m 2.
Today is my 2-year HRT Anniversary. I took my first dose of bicalutamide the night of November 4, 2020 and it was on of the best decisions I’ve ever made for my health. And to be honest, it was one of the most selfish decisions I’ve ever made. I truly didn’t understand what it was […]
I’m writing a novel.
And I have no idea what I’m doing. Kinnikinnick. Like Mississippi, but cooler and more Colorado. It’s a word from memory and it goes as far back as I can remember. 3. 3-years old. Ramona Drive. I had to look it up. I remembered the house but I didn’t remember the address. Our house had […]
I’m her list.
I’m tired of being alone. For a minute I was feeling bad. Saying to myself, “you’ve only been divorced for a year and a half you haven’t really ever been alone.” But when I think about my life, the entirety of it has been spent alone. I never let anyone and even my ex-wife. This […]
T Jay to T.
A journey of self. Discovered. What’s in a name? But not just any name. What’s in a person’s name? My name is T. One letter. If you are picky, there’s a period after the T on my birth certificate – which is now accurate because my state is awesome. I never did claim the period. […]
Rest.
Reposted from Instagram with a note: My rest will involve more regular blog posting. I’ve been on a path of discovery, looking for things I truly love to do. Writing is one of them. I give myself permission to be. Dysphoria. It was all-consuming. From the moment I knew I was transgender, it was constant. […]
#ProtectTransKids
I posted this on Instagram today. It’s important enough to share a copy here also. Find me there at @hernameistjay I’ve only just begun. But I feel so completely me..I smile easily, laugh often, and feel every tear. I greet each day as an opportunity to be a better human, a better parent, a better […]
I am. I can let go.
I am transgender. That will always be a core part of who I am. Transition is the part of me that some day, I will be able to let go. There will be a day, I hope, that I can say, “I am me. I am no longer in transition. I am just me.” Of […]
I do to entrepreneurship. I don’t know my energy.
I’m back on YouTube after a short break. I know I want to have a side hustle. I know I’m capable of being successful. Now I’m working on just how to do that. I think a big first step is alignment. Getting my energies aligned and gaining some focus. It’s all part of my personal […]
Disappointed. Not Surprised.
If you’re new here, “Welcome!” TL:DR 2020 I started therapy in September. I came out as transgender in October. I separated from my wife and started HRT in November. 2021 I was divorced as of February 1. I socially transitioned on February 6. My gender was corrected by April. And I’ve been authentically me now […]
