Disappointed. Not Surprised.

If you’re new here, “Welcome!” TL:DR 2020 I started therapy in September. I came out as transgender in October. I separated from my wife and started HRT in November. 2021 I was divorced as of February 1. I socially transitioned on February 6. My gender was corrected by April. And I’ve been authentically me now… Continue reading Disappointed. Not Surprised.

Vlog 02 | I’m T.

hernameisTjay introduces herself.

Take 2! Multicam Edit. Color correcting. It’s a lot easier with photos. Matching cameras isn’t for the faint of heart. The usual: I got a mic! I’m learning to use it. Better audio soon. Focus Daniel San. I’m sure it’s a lighting issue. I’m still working on the balance between my overheads, ring lights, and… Continue reading Vlog 02 | I’m T.

Vlog 01 | Transition isn’t easy. I miss my kids.

Episode 1. Or Vlog 01. Or Something.

I feel like the content here is important enough to give this piece the honor of being my first official YouTube Vlog. Vlog 01 TLDR: Transition isn’t easy. I miss my kids. Another learning video. I set my Canon M50 up to capture video. I placed my iPhone on the desk to capture a second… Continue reading Vlog 01 | Transition isn’t easy. I miss my kids.

Words. From the heart.

The little boy couldn’t understand why she was different.  The middle school boy didn’t understand why she didn’t fit in.  The high school boy truly believed she was a mistake and destined for hell.  The college boy’s eyes were opened to the fact that she was transgender.  She wrestled with herself, wanting so desperately to… Continue reading Words. From the heart.

It still hurts.

It finally rained Friday. The colors were gorgeous.

It.Still.Fucking.Hurts. I wasn’t enough. I’m not worth knowing. I did irreparable damage over 15 years. She’s embarrassed of me. She’s ashamed to have been married to me. She doesn’t want people to know that I’m the ex. “She’s not my husband.” Some of these I still feel so strongly at times. Others zip in and… Continue reading It still hurts.

I’m doing okay.

Pints and Pools Craft Beer Fest 2021

That doesn’t mean it’s been easy. I’m only two months post divorce (officially). We were pretty well separated when I moved out November 1. Moving on with your own life when someone else was so closely a part of that life for so long – it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been faced with. It’s… Continue reading I’m doing okay.