Ma’am.

Rocks along the San Juan River
Rocks along the San Juan River

I’m trying to take care of myself mentally and physically. The mental part has actually come quite easily since coming out.

Without the continual mental struggle against dysphoria and feeling like a mistake, I find myself mentally clear and present. I’m just happy. I’m more productive at work. I’m present in more moments with my kids and my parents. I’m more creative and can think through things more clearly from many perspectives. Choosing to let go of the unnecessary guilt and embarrassment of being transgender has freed my mind to live as its wanted for so long.

The mental part has actually come quite easily since coming out.

It’s my body that I still struggle with. I’ve been working out more than I ever have. I don’t want to be ripped or even toned. I just want to be fit. I want my heart to last and my cholesterol to stay low. I want stamina so I can hike and bike and get places to take photos. I want to keep up with my kids and see them get old.

I try to eat well. I’m as gluten free as I can be – though I do indulge in the occasional Thurday Special from Three Barrel Brewing. I don’t eat much sugar any more (damn you gluten free Oreos). Hell, I don’t even drink that much any more. I just don’t need it. I’m enough.

I don’t eat much sugar any more (damn you gluten free Oreos).

her name is T Jay

My struggle is hydration. I live my life dehydrated it seems. On the days where I feel like I actually hit the recommended amount of water, I feel like I just flush my system and it does more harm than good. So I did what any sensible woman would do and I asked my doctor for suggestions.

She said current recommendation is half your body weight in ounces. That means I need 78.5 ounces of water a day. Oh. My Goodness. I’m going to need a bigger cup. She also recommended some electrolytes for absorption and said coconut water is great.

Thank goodness we have a Natural Grocers. My doctor recommended a dry powder mix to put in my water.

Grapefruit Topo Chico!

Being the good girl who wants to stay healthy, I went looking for the mix. Don’t mind the grapefruit flavored Topo Chico I also purchased. I found it! Holy crap is it expensive. Essentially $15 for 19 glasses of coconut water. My health is worth it.

I grabbed the bag of mix, the Topo, and headed to the checkout.

“Ma’am, I can help you.”

I got ma’am’d today at Natural Grocers. Thanks hat. Thanks mask. Thanks HRT.

YES! It really happened. I passed. Someone new saw me as I see me.

Regular me.

Validating to the max.

To think I could be this happy and this confident so early in transition blows my mind and confirms that I lived too long time as someone else. It’s so freeing to just be me.

That’s all. Oh, and the coconut water mix is, to quote the youngin’s, “heckin’ tasty.”

2 comments

  1. As an English major and counselor–this post brought the warm fuzzies. These words…goosebumps. She was always there and now standing in her space and speaking her truth! Btw I love coconut water and find herbal tea can help as well. Thank you for your gifts.

    1. 😊 She was always there, it just took me a very long time to find her. But that’s okay. It was the process that needed to happen to get me where I am. And she’s happy! I’m digging the coconut water powder but it’s expensive. I don’t mind tea, but I don’t always go for a hot beverage. I’m now trying to reduce my coffee intake, so I might add more tea to offset. Baby steps. LOL

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