Really.
It’s good. If I didn’t have down times I wouldn’t be human.
I’m sitting here in my comfy chair, listening to music, typing on my laptop and I am content.
Inserted note after starting: This is a rambling post. I didn’t have a clear plan going into this but I really wanted to share something.
Pardon my ramble.
It’s only been 10 months and a few days since I started HRT. Do I wish I was more developed? At times, but not often. I stared with bicalutamide, a testosterone blocker, and finasteride for hair growth in November. In May, my doctor and I made the decision to add estradiol to really jumpstart female puberty. In August, we added progesterone to further boost hair and breast growth.
There are plenty of posts and videos talking about the details of the second puberty experience. I don’t feel the need to go into that here.
What I will talk about is “The Slow Road.”
Prior to coming out, I spent a lot of time online – Reddit forums, Tumbler, Crossdressing and Trans Forums – basically anywhere I could find information on what I was going through. I looked at post after post of “Here’s me before my egg cracked. Here’s me 3 months later/6 months later/etc.” The changes those individuals experienced in such a short time seemed to me to be nothing short of miraculous.
Prior to coming out,
I spent a lot of time online
I can’t speak to the dosages or truth of the posts I kept seeing. All I can say is this, “That hasn’t been my experience and for that, I am so grateful.”
The transition slow road has taught me patience and acceptance of myself and this body I have been given. Taking things slowly has allowed my brain to accept my body. I’ve been given time to let my emotions flow and figure out how to deal with them. I’ve been able to get comfortable with my slowly growing curves and learn body positivity. I’m even to the point where I don’t hate my hair anymore. (A good salon and some hair dye helped a ton)
It hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth every moment of struggle, discovery, joy, raw emotion, and yes, even worth the one hot flash I’ve had.
I’ve had incredible support from my family, my previous and current employer, my therapist – so thankful for her! – my doctor, and I’ve made a very conscious effort to surround myself with positivity. A thing I didn’t do when I was living the expected life.
Was there a point to this post? I don’t think so. I think it’s a long-winded attempt at saying, “I’m happy to be me.”
You don’t have to live the life expected. It’s your life. You are a beautiful, unique, fabulous person and I hope you are able to find your authentic self. I hope you are able to live your life authentically.
It can be done and you are worth it.
