My journey continues tonight. I take my first dose of estradiol. This moment has lived in my mind for so very long and here it finally is.
So is a wave of guilt.
Why did I wait so long to transition? Why didn’t I come out sooner? Why did I keep trying to be the man my ex-wife needed when I’ve known for so long that I could not be him. I’m her. To my core. Why didn’t I let her go sooner? Why did I think I could my authentic self? I could keep going but I’m sure you get the gist.
I can’t change the past or erase the hurt I’ve caused. It also does me no good to dwell in that place.
I can look to the future and strive to be the best woman I can be. I am still a parent, a daughter, a friend, a coworker. I am someone who found the courage to live authentically and is willing to work through the hurt to find healing.
There are probably more thoughts there, but I’m tired. It’s been a week and it’s only Wednesday. If you’ve made it this far into the ramble, know that I truly appreciate you and your time to read my thoughts.
Life isn’t easy. Transition isn’t easy. But it is possible.
Have a wonderful morning/day/evning/night. 😊