Guilt and estrogen.

A spring tree against a blue sky
I know who I am. She is confident and beautiful and happy to be.

My journey continues tonight. I take my first dose of estradiol. This moment has lived in my mind for so very long and here it finally is.

So is a wave of guilt.

Why did I wait so long to transition? Why didn’t I come out sooner? Why did I keep trying to be the man my ex-wife needed when I’ve known for so long that I could not be him. I’m her. To my core. Why didn’t I let her go sooner? Why did I think I could my authentic self? I could keep going but I’m sure you get the gist.

Here I am. Fully confident in the woman I am. Happy to wake up every day and just. be. me.

I can’t change the past or erase the hurt I’ve caused. It also does me no good to dwell in that place.

I can look to the future and strive to be the best woman I can be. I am still a parent, a daughter, a friend, a coworker. I am someone who found the courage to live authentically and is willing to work through the hurt to find healing.

There are probably more thoughts there, but I’m tired. It’s been a week and it’s only Wednesday. If you’ve made it this far into the ramble, know that I truly appreciate you and your time to read my thoughts.

Life isn’t easy. Transition isn’t easy. But it is possible.

Have a wonderful morning/day/evning/night. 😊

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