Ordinary
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Me? What I would tell people was a cover, a distraction. I didn’t want people to know my heart’s desire, even from a young age. I was so good at telling people what I wanted to be that they believed me.
Dear T.
T, Be kind to yourself. Yes, you’ve come a long way, but it’s also not very far. You’ve only been you for a few years. You are playing catch-up in a world you weren’t a part of for much of your life. You were busy keeping yourself safe. You were busy keeping yourself alive. Now […]
Adult.
I’ve seen the memes. I’ve posted similar content about “not wanting to adult.” It’s hard. It’s messy. It’s exhausting. It’s terrifying. It’s also incredibly beautiful and vibrant. It’s full of life and connections. It’s full of growth and learning. I am finding that It’s absolutely worth the experience of living. I had a whole post […]
The trauma of feeling unwanted.
Trauma.Emotional trauma.I lived almost half a lifetime feeling unwanted. Those feelings came rushing back with a vengeance on Monday. Quite unexpectedly, I might add. But isn’t that usually the case with deep trauma? I honestly don’t know, which is why I’m asking. I only have my own lived experience. And therapy. Lots of therapy. Disclaimer: […]
I’m 2.
Today is my 2-year HRT Anniversary. I took my first dose of bicalutamide the night of November 4, 2020 and it was on of the best decisions I’ve ever made for my health. And to be honest, it was one of the most selfish decisions I’ve ever made. I truly didn’t understand what it was […]
I’m writing a novel.
And I have no idea what I’m doing. Kinnikinnick. Like Mississippi, but cooler and more Colorado. It’s a word from memory and it goes as far back as I can remember. 3. 3-years old. Ramona Drive. I had to look it up. I remembered the house but I didn’t remember the address. Our house had […]
I’m her list.
I’m tired of being alone. For a minute I was feeling bad. Saying to myself, “you’ve only been divorced for a year and a half you haven’t really ever been alone.” But when I think about my life, the entirety of it has been spent alone. I never let anyone and even my ex-wife. This […]
T Jay to T.
A journey of self. Discovered. What’s in a name? But not just any name. What’s in a person’s name? My name is T. One letter. If you are picky, there’s a period after the T on my birth certificate – which is now accurate because my state is awesome. I never did claim the period. […]
Rest.
Reposted from Instagram with a note: My rest will involve more regular blog posting. I’ve been on a path of discovery, looking for things I truly love to do. Writing is one of them. I give myself permission to be. Dysphoria. It was all-consuming. From the moment I knew I was transgender, it was constant. […]
A Reintroduction.
Hey, Beautiful Humans. I had to step away to do more work on myself. I continue to have therapy appointments every two weeks. I’ve made sure to check in with my primary care doctor. The part I’m most excited about is that I am about to complete 10 weeks of Voice Therapy – which has […]