The trauma of feeling unwanted.

Trauma.Emotional trauma.I lived almost half a lifetime feeling unwanted. Those feelings came rushing back with a vengeance on Monday. Quite unexpectedly, I might add. But isn’t that usually the case with deep trauma? I honestly don’t know, which is why I’m asking. I only have my own lived experience. And therapy. Lots of therapy. Disclaimer: […]

Your Box.

We are all beautiful humans

It’s actually a prison. You sit there in your safe little box. You surround yourself with tv news and online articles that only support your beliefs and never challenge them. You limit your interactions with people in the world because heaven forbid, you meet someone you might disagree with. You have no direct experience in […]

No friends.

iPhone photo of sunshine through grass

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, “40-year-old recently out transgender women signs up to do network marketing for newly launched lifestyle and athleisure brand with no network.” Why lead with that? The important thing here is not that I signed up to do network marketing. Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely in […]

Thoughts on my upbringing.

A view of the West Fork Valley on a cloudy fall day

Or thoughts on “thought in ‘the church.’” You’ll read this again if you get through this post. I want it here at the beginning too, because it sets the stage for the madness that follows. 😆 This post is something new for me. I had thoughts as I laid down and instead of just brushing […]

Words. From the heart.

Fall leaves make me happy.

The little boy couldn’t understand why she was different.  The middle school boy didn’t understand why she didn’t fit in.  The high school boy truly believed she was a mistake and destined for hell.  The college boy’s eyes were opened to the fact that she was transgender.  She wrestled with herself, wanting so desperately to […]

The beginning.

Spruce tree shot on Canon M50

Episode 2. The middle years. This is a short episode, covering middle school and high school. Why is it short? Middle and high school are blurry. I don’t have any great memories from that period in my life. I can’t even blame puberty – I was a late bloomer. I didn’t fit in. I was […]

The beginning.

Late evening in downtown Pagosa Springs

The obvious question:

“When did you know you were trans?”


“Thanks, T1 internet connection, and unsupervised internet use.